Fear and Loathing
by lethallans
Summary: A Cerberus operative and a convict reflect on feelings that are all at once sudden, slow, and frightfully beautiful.


If there was one thing Jack hated, it was sissy shit. Braiding your hair and gossiping about feelings (or whatever) was for pansies with a short life span. She'd learned the hard way that the only way to get through the day was to kick ass and kill baddies. No time to paint your fucking nails, that's for certain. She had herself, and only herself to care about and it had to stay that way if she wanted to keep breathing.

Which is exactly the reason why Jack was terribly, _fantastically_ horrified when she realized she was head-over-feels for Miranda Lawson.

_Fucking Miranda Lawson_. Jack scowled to herself at the very thought of the Cerberus cheerleader. Those self-righteous blue eyes, that _oh-so-arrogant_ twitch on those full lips, the silky mess of brown hair –

_No_. Jack growled out loud and punched the nearest crate without bothering to wonder if the noise disturbed the nerds above her. _Remember, Miranda Lawson is a heartless bitch. She's a Cerberus ice queen_.

Jack was in love with her. That _goddamn bitch._

And the worst part, to Jack, the _very worst _part, was that this was _love_, of all things. At least, she thought it was. All her life, Jack had known only two major emotions – lust and hate (both of which had the bad habit of intertwining). When she looked at Lawson, _sure_ she wanted to tear off what little clothes she was wearing and jump the damn cheerleader, but there was also something else there. Something…_more_. A flutter of the heart and a squirm of the stomach that made Jack bare her teeth and spit out a, 'Fuck you!' as Lawson would saunter past.

Lust, she could handle. She was no stranger to lust. But love? Love was a whole different story. And it brought forward a whole new emotion; one that Jack had spent her entire life running from.

_Fear_.

* * *

Miranda Lawson had many rules, but if there was ever a rule to prioritize, it would be: _do not get attached. _She didn't make it to where she was now and she wouldn't advance any further by regarding the world with anything other than an icy, purely scientific gaze. Maybe she _was_ an ice queen for doing so, but in her unique situation, it was mandatory.

Ever to her chagrin, that rule had been broken the moment she'd stepped aboard the Normandy SR-2.

She wasn't one for assigning blame, but from even the most objective point of view, the fault rested squarely on Commander Shepard's shoulders.

It was one of her most attractive qualities that had been Miranda's downfall, one that had weight in gaining Cerberus's attention in the first place – her ability to inspire loyalty in _anyone._ The commander had been able to gain the trust of an assassin, a tank-bred krogan, an ex-mercenary, and perhaps the most surprising of all – the trust of Miranda Lawson herself in a remarkably short time span. But it wasn't her own loyalty to Shepard that interested Miranda at the moment – no, she would analyze _that_ at a later date. What had Miranda's attention was that, upon analysis, she herself had become attached to other members of the Normandy's team as well.

It was downright frightful.

She'd grown to have a deeper, newfound respect for Operative Taylor, a feeling of sympathy for Professor Solus, an admiration of the Justicar.

And worst of all, a love for Subject Zero.

She shuddered at the thought. It had been, at first, merely a professional interest. To have such a biotically powerful, unbalanced psychopath at such a close proximity was fascinating. Yes, that's the word she'd use to describe Subject Zero. Fascinating. To get a glimpse into her psyche…

But, unfortunately, Miranda's clinical interest in Subject Zero had turned into plain and simple_ wonder _of _Jack_.

Miranda wanted to _know_ Jack: to feel the rough skin of her palm in her own, to listen to her talk in that gravelly voice, to trace a single finger down her inked spine.

The thought of touching Jack made the operative pause in typing up her latest report for The Illusive Man and let a slight shiver run through her body.

Indeed, the feeling was strange and new – Miranda had never accommodated much time for sexual or romantic relations in the past due to her investment with the Cerberus organization, but Miranda Lawson knew love when she felt it. And she was in love with Jack.

She was in love with everything about her – her sneer, her tattoos, her 'Fuck you's. Jack's unbridled rawness and obscenity had never been so appealing.

Which is why, when Jack noticed her staring during dinner one time and flipped her the bird, she scowled right back to hide her blush.

Miranda was an expert at answering questions, at knowing the unknown, but there was one inquiry in the back of her mind that she couldn't shake:

When had loathe turned to love?


End file.
